I Miss You

I miss you when you are not here.
I miss your eyes...looking at me without judgement.
I miss your mouth...kissing away my insecurities.
I miss your ears....listening to my thoughts.
I miss your fingers...grazing the small of my back.
But most of all I miss your heart....
Touching my soul with your tenderness....
Filling my depth with your honesty....
And surrounding my life with peace.

For Luis (On the right)

I once heard someone say that they had no feelings.

How can someone live in this world without feeling???

Everything in this world revolves around them.

We feel with our entire being.

Our noses feel when we smell the scent of peppermint tea that our grandmother used to drink.

Our eyes feel when we look into the face of a mother whose child is dying.

Our ears feel when they hear the sound of a baby's belly-laugh..

Our hands feel when we hold the tiny body of a new-born kitten...

And our hearts feel when we smell, see, hear, and touch the skin of another human being...

whether it be in life, in death, or in love, or in hate.

For it is in feeling that we know that we are alive,

And when we cease to feel, we are truly dead.

Sometimes I Wonder

Sometimes I wonder how it would feel to be free.
We think we are free, but in reality we are all prisoners.
Whether it be to an object......or to an entity....or to a dream...or to a feeling, we are all prisoners.
Whether we are involuntary prisoners...captive to our genes, our experiences, our cards....
Or whether we are voluntary prisoners....captive to our god...our hopes...our hearts..and our hate.
There are times in our lives where we cross from one status to the other.....
And I think that it is in the crossing over that we learn how to become free...
To be paroled from all that controlled us....that drove us....that consumed us...that punished us.
So it is in choosing to be a prisoner that you actually become free.
Sometimes I wonder how it would feel to be free.........

I Want

I want someone who wants me to stay.
Someone who feels an emptiness without me.
Who wants me to stay not because he needs me to take care of him, but because HE wants to take care of ME.
To have two hearts but one heartbeat.
I want someone who wants me to stay.
Because without me his heartbeat would cease...
Because without me his mind would wander...
Because without me his soul would hunger.
I want someone who misses my smell when I am gone...
Who wakes up and is happy that it is me next to him...
Who holds me when I cry and kisses away my tears...
Who gives me courage when I am afraid and strength when I am weak.
Someone who will let me give to HIM all that I want.
I want someone who wants me to stay and who wants to stay....with me.

Letter to Cesar

Cesar,
I have heard that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
I guess I would have to agree. The time when you loved me and I loved
you I would not trade for the world. As much as it hurts me now, I would
not give it back. Life is soooo short, and I firmly believe that people come
your way for a reason. Some bring happiness, some bring sorrow, some
bring life, and some bring death. And some bring a combination of all of these
things. Those people are the priceless ones. The ones who make us question
who we are...where we came from...our very being. Those are the ones who
shake us to the core. The ones who move us to do things we never thought
possible. The ones who make us believe in the unbelieveable, who make us
forgive the unforgiveable, who make us love the unloveable, and dream the
impossible. The ones who make us believe we are beautiful....that we are
important....fascinating....and unique.
You are one of those people, Cesar. Remember where you came from...
who you are....and what you believe. I think that along the way you lost
some of those qualities that you believed so strongly in. Don't let some
stupid female rob you of the qualities that are so priceless in life. Don't let
some bad experiences drain you of your hope. My hope for you is that you will
remember all of these things and return to who you are at the core of your being.
Laugh, Cesar. Dream, Cesar. Believe, Cesar. Live, Cesar. And most of all.....
Love, Cesar. Love as many times as it takes to find the one who makes you feel
all that I have written to you.
Thank you for making me feel all of those things. I will never ever forget them...
and I smile when I think about what we had. Thank you for that.
Love, Liz

desperately hoping

i keep hoping that someday you will love me again....
i know you loved me at one point because i could see it in your eyes...
i don't see it anymore but i keep hoping that it will come back...
that wherever it got lost, it will find its way home.....
that whoever it was given to will give it back.....
that the reason for it leaving will end....and the reason for it beginning will begin again....
love is such a powerful being that once it lives inside you, in order for it to stop,
something inside of you has to die.....
what died inside of you? and who killed it?
was it suicide? was it homicide?
was it my fault? was it yours? was it anybody's?
some question have no answers and some answers only create more questions....
and some questions have many answers and some answers have no questions.....
and some questions we don't want to know the answers to...and some questions we don't KNOW the answers to.
whatever the case, i don't want to ask or answer any of them....
i'd rather be silent...that way i don't have to live with the answers,
and i can find hope in the questions.

You

Are you near?
Are you there?
Can you hear?
Tell me where?

Were you there?
Were you ever?
Did you care?
Maybe never.

Are you dead?
Can you feel?
In my head
Are you real?

Did you leave?
Will you stay?
Do you breathe?
Dare I pray?

Heart believe.
Never fail.
Hate relieve.
Love prevail.